a lady is a pimp too

29Sep10

So, you know, go on, brush your shoulder off.

Jay-Z coined the phrase (or something like it), but, really, I think Salt-n-Pepa laid it out a few years earlier with the 1993 classic, “None of Your Business.”

The lyrics are straightforward. The point simple. Ladies like sex. Okay, so maybe you knew as much. But, here’s the thing, ladies don’t just like sex when they are in a committed, long-lasting relationship. They don’t just like sex when it is with a boyfriend. They don’t just like sex when they are on a date. Oh, no, ladies like sex in a veritable expanse of scenarios. Problem is, other people, ladies included, don’t like it when ladies get willy nilly (okay, fine, pun intended) with their sex lives. Soon names are called and trash is talked. So Salt-n-Pepa tell you to check it, presumably before you wreck it, because they don’t give one explicative about your two cents.

Now, maybe it was my hard knocks, white, lower-middle class, Salt-n-Pepa lovin’ upbringing, but I have to say, the song is relevant. Perhaps now is a good time to go ahead and say I do not formally study gender issues and am quite aware of the flinging to and fro of sweeping declarations I have already made and will likely continue to make. Even so, I think the conversation is worth having in a general sense.

Here we are, living it up in the 21st century, and wouldn’t you know it, people are still making all sorts of assumptions about women’s sexuality. I’m not sure exactly when I became aware of it. I mean, I kind of figured older generations might judge me because of differing sensibilities. Oh, and Republicans. I also get some people just not caring or wanting to know about the ins and outs (I did it again!) of my sex life. Fine.

The real moment came when friends chalked up ladies having casual sex with someone as irresponsible, unsafe, or emotionally unstable. Sure, they were subtle. No one goes around saying, “Only dirty hoes have sex with someone they’ve just met!” Even so, the sentiment is there.

Then there’s the commentary on hook-up culture. The idea here being as youngsters delay adulthood with school, moving, more school and more moving, we also delay marriage and long-term relationships. So what do we do instead? We hook up with people. Sometimes people we know, sometimes people we don’t know. Sometimes once, sometimes for a prolonged period of time. Gets others thinking, “Gasp! What will women do?” Surely, hook-up culture will be the downfall of able-bodied ladies everywhere. Their feeble brains can not handle such physical intimacy without attaching emotional expectations. Not possible!

Alright, I’m being facetious. Also, I do not want to diminish the connection sex can have to love and other such feelings. The key word there being “can.” “Might” if you will. Certainly not irrevocably bonded forever. So, yeah, not every lady need be a pimp. A lady need be who she is and find a gentleman or other lady who feels the same way, whatever the relationship may be. As for everyone else, it’s none of your business.

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2 Responses to “a lady is a pimp too”

  1. 1 Ginger

    Nice post! Can I just add a few things to the mix? I love your hard-knocks white middle lower class upbringing, and your sass! I just want to point out that a lady is a pimp even when she does find herself in a a committed long-lasting relationship (whatever that means, usually 8 months or 2 years for me). A few other biting myths I’ve endured about women’s sexuality is that we only like sex a lot in the beginning of the relationship, that we have weak(er) libidos, and finally, that all we need are flowers and a little in and out. Sure, sex can be a dynamite experience when you are in love and have a connection with the other person, but that doesn’t mean that practice isn’t important. Okay so maybe we’ll never be perfect, not only because our bodies and desires are so fluid that there are always new things to experience and get better at, but really, when hasn’t skill development come in handy? Finally, I would like to point out that we should include 30-somethings too, I know sex gets so much better the older I get, which brings me back to skill, and practice, and why a lady needs a pimp with skillz too.

  2. 2 Carrie

    So true! I thought about mentioning the “headache” myth. Sex can be wonderful in a variety of situations, but often it requires communication and practice to get really good at it for sure. Age in general is certainly another misnomer. Everyone is so different from each other, and as you said, our own preferences tend to change as well. How in the heck are we actually supposed to mold ourselves into prefab sex expectations under those conditions?! Better yet, why would we want to?


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