no one can tell when a lady has her period

05Mar10

Yet I tell everyone. Would a lady go around the office whining about her uterus and demanding chocolate? Hard to say. My assumption would have been no. I was wrong.

Based on what I gathered watching the videos, a lady will mention her period from time to time. Of course, there are considerations.

A lady only refers to that time of the month as her “period,” “menstruation,” or a combo. For those of you aspiring to be ladies, I am sad to say that “on the rag,” “riding the cotton pony,” and “getting a visit from your Aunt Flow” are just plain unacceptable. Oh, you may also use “curse,” but you are at risk of sounding old-fashioned. Should you require a disposable item to absorb your “flow,” you may use a “napkin” or a “tampon.”

You should also know you can only bathe or shower with warm water when you have your period. Drying your hair is essential, and don’t even get me started on square dances (I know, I know, it’s hard to resist a good ole hoe down at the town hall, but you’ll just have to dose-do some other week).

What it comes down to is that being a lady is not so much about whether you talk about your period but what you do when you have it. Keep from overheating, get yourself a good dress, and you should be fine.

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5 Responses to “no one can tell when a lady has her period”

  1. It’s so true. Every time I go for a vigorous horseback ride during the crimson tide my elastic belt snaps!

    Coincidentally, I googled “euphemism for period” and one of the top answers was “taking Carrie to the prom.” No word on whether that is a ladylike statement.

  2. 2 carelynn84

    You should really be more careful. I hope you were at least wearing your prettiest dress.

    To show solidarity, Hildie just ran into the living room wrestling an unopened tampon.

  3. 3 Lady Anne

    You will recall, that I was the young lady who asked Miss Jenson if it was ok to dance while menstruating. Thanks so much for sharing this informative film. I will be more careful about drying my hair when I have the curse.

  4. 4 Lady Abby

    I think the key here is to look your best. And deodorize. What man will ever want you if you’re all menstrual-smelling and wearing sweatpants?

  5. 5 Lady Emily

    Golly, I must say, minus the “rules” of menstruation, this moving picture was better than the one I watched when I started growing up.

    I wish someone would have told me about sitting and standing up straight; I probably would have saved myself from much pain and discomfort.

    I wonder what they used to dull the pain back in those golden years? Gimlets? Chiltons? Or did they have the Midol and the Pamprin? I wonder.


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